Smokers Only by tuppus
Selling a house is a big deal. Literally. Time and time again, however, people manage to make unfortunate mistakes that cost them dearly. Nobody can really afford to wait forever to sell their home, and everybody wants to get as good a deal on their house as possible.
For those reasons, we decided to bring you a pageant of the most common mistakes people make, and illustrate why some well-meant ideas may backfire. Let’s see what NOT to do when you are selling a house.
Right before you decide to put your house on the market, acquire a dog, two cats, and half a dozen parrots. Unleash them into the house, and lock them up unattended for a day or two. This will ensure that every open house visitor will truly appreciate how much you love animals.
To enhance the atmosphere even further, purchase plants that are just entering their blooming season and place them around the house, in every room. Let your kids blow the pollen onto the furniture just for fun.
After you’ve caught your dear pets and put them back into their respective cages, it is time to host a poker party. Make sure you put “Smokers Only” on your invitation. Absolutely don’t forget to invite the perfume seller from across the road as a special guest. Serve cheap cigars and cigarettes and advise the smokers to stay as far in from the windows as possible.
The day before a showing, refuse to feed your huge dog called Cuddles and leave him on a long leash in the backyard. Take a smoke in the house at least 30 minutes before a showing and leave the burning ashes in the kitchen ashtray. Do not take out the trash under any circumstances if you are expecting a visit. Your visitors will want to have a genuine homey experience.
Post no pictures whatsoever, anywhere. Pictures create prejudices and you want your visitors to be blown away when they take the effort of coming to your house in person.
If your Realtor® forces you to upload pictures to accompany your online listing, make sure your house can be barely seen in them. Position yourself behind a tree, or take a picture of your neighbour’s garage that looks like it belongs to your house. Ideally, any exterior pictures should be taken during twilight or on a rainy day. Also, as a rule, pictures of the western side of your house should be taken in the morning, and the eastern side should be shot in the evening.
House on Hamilton Hill by Dan Zen
Make sure you turn off your camera flash when documenting the interior. Put your camera out of focus, or place a fish tank in front of it. If that doesn’t help, cover half or all of its viewport with your fingers. Better yet, let your kids take the pictures, so that viewers may see the bottom of your dining room table. Don’t forget to include a photo of Cuddles drooling on the sofa – cute pictures sell!
Shades of Gold by quinn.anya
Upgrades and Pricing
Before you start with any repairs, make a list of what comes to mind and assign a price to each item. Then, estimate the “added value” of each item as well.
Once your list is ready, order the items according to price and start from the most expensive ones. Alien-proof roof tiles made of trees from Congolese rain forests are a popular starter. You can follow this up with the latest Milanese tiling from prehistoric limestone on the driveway, and a set of original baldachin curtains from a medieval French castle around your beds. These exclusive upgrades are bound to knock your buyers out with delight. Only waste time on squeaking door hinges and leaking faucets if you have spare time left. Anybody can repair those easily.
Every time you make a major repair, increase the price of your home to reflect it, no matter what. Remember, you must recover every penny you invested into your house, even if you just tried to get up to par with similar houses in your area. You are not giving anyone anything for free, right?
Reject every offer that is less than 95% of your asking price and don’t negotiate. Stand your ground and your effort will bear fruit.
If you follow at least 45.3% of this advice, we guarantee that you will struggle immensely to attract a single offer that is worth your while.